March 20, 2010

Buffett Admits BN Purchase Was “Brain Fart”

Family granted power of attorney following episodes of bizarre behavior.

OTCB News Brief

The business world was rocked this weekend after learning billionaire investor Warren Buffett has been quoted describing Berkshire Hathaway’s (BRK) recent purchase of Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad (BN) as a ‘brain fart’. Berkshire paid $34 billion to acquire the outstanding shares of BN they did not already own.

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Sources describe Buffett’s recent appearance at an informal social gathering as “shitfaced, loud and grabby.” Buffett, previously known as a man with a sweet tooth who eschewed intoxicants of any kind, was reportedly yelling “Who’s got the weed?” It was supposedly during this gathering that the market-moving comment was  overheard.

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This follows on the heels of Buffett’s recent disastrous foray into Heavy Metal rock music which culminated in the creation of this music video harshly panned by critics:

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An individual with the production company hired to assemble what Buffett referred to as his “head bangin’ jam” was still incredulous at Buffett’s behavior during recording. “He was clearly self-medicating before the sessions. And he’d wear a wig and this outlandish garb and slur and mumble in a bad British accent. Apparently he fancies himself the Ozzie Osbourne of Omaha. Post-production we basically had to wrap his part with orchestration and back-up singers. Gawd it was bad. Anyways, we were finishing up a particularly torturous set – it was painful – and at the end, Buffett bites the head off a pigeon or something and screams ‘SHARON!’ at the top of his lungs. What a freakin’ weirdo.”

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Family members have been tightlipped regarding Buffett’s state of mind but people familiar with the situation suggest that the family has sought and possibly already received power of attorney over the 79 year old market icon’s daily affairs. Buffet, now reportedly in seclusion, was seen standing on a balcony at an exclusive rehabilitation facility popular with celebrities where he waved ‘devil horns’ and made other distasteful gestures to waiting reporters before being restrained and returned inside by attendants.

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Investors can expect a somewhat unsettled market on Monday morning as additional Buffett comments are coming to light. Buffett reportedly also made unflattering remarks concerning various individuals at the Federal Reserve and U.S. Treasury and allegedly stated their strategy to combat the financial crisis would ‘blow-up like a love doll at a perverts convention.”

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H/T LOLFed

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  1. outsidethe-cardboard-box posted this
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