Support “Old Person Smell” Awareness Week

Outside The (Cardboard) Box reminds you that the week of March 7^th is “Old Person Smell” Awareness Week. Join us in battling this societal scourge so that one day young people will never again be assaulted by that disturbing, musty Old Person Smell (OPS).

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The technology to mostly abate these smells has been widely available for some time. However the will to confront this pressing issue has heretofore been lacking. Write your old, smelly Member of Congress. Tell them now is the time to act! This odious crisis has lingered far too long.

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Interested in more direct interventions? You can also aid the afflicted through the provisioning of various attractive topical scents, ‘adult undergarments’ with the latest in activated charcoal odor filtering and, most importantly, regular and persistent encouragement of proper Old Person hygiene.

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We here at OTCB are also declaring Wednesday March 10^th to be “Take A Smelly Geezer To the Spa Day”, where you might take that unpleasantly fragrant Aunt or Uncle to a Day Spa for a bit of fumigation, exfoliation and restorative essential oils therapy.

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OTCB Staff have already booked an appointment for OTCB Editor In Chief (and Smelly Geezer) TomOfTheNorth. While the appointment is not actually for a Day Spa, and it’s not actually an appointment, rather it’s more of a do-it-yourself Car Wash where you just show up and wait your turn, OTCB Staff eagerly await the day when TomOfTheNorth is less impactful on their olfactory senses.

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Editor’s Note: I don’t have Old Person Smell! I smell good. Like soap. I use Irish Spring. And I use deodorant too.

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Staff Note: While TOTN is not the worst example of Old Person Smell we’ve ever encountered, he definitely has that Old Person funk going on. He’s got a smelly chair too. We’re going to hose him down with the high pressure hose at the car wash on Wednesday whether he wants to or not. It WILL happen. Da Stank is going Down! Y E A H  B A B Y!!!

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Editor’s 2nd note: You’re just pissed I called you out on that strip club bender where you claimed you were kidnapped. This is so juvenile.

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Staff 2nd note: Dude, I WAS ALMOST KIDNAPPED and everyone in the Shed agrees that you stink. So shut up and take your medicine you Funk-o-saurus! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

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Editor’s Final note: Unrelated to the preceding, OTCB is pleased to announce some long overdue restructuring and staffing adjustments. I am positive these changes will deliver an even better OTCB going forward.

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Staff Final note: There will be no Staff Final Note. THIS STOPS NOW, you schmuck! Now go finish that article for The Looming Doom like I told you. Oh. I see you have. I’m not sure I like the title however: Methane Will Burn The Earth To A Cinder . Couldn’t you come up with something a bit more dramatic? - Editor

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OTCB - Go ahead and read it. We’ll make-up more!

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