January 19, 2010

The Cardboard Manifesto

OTCB - Solving the Nation’s Biggest Problem in Less Than 1500 Words

  

The Economically Depressed Legal Citizens of the United States of America do herein declare the formation of a New Movement intended to regain control of our Nation, to eliminate Illegal & Dishonest behavior in our National Government and to return to our fellow Legal Citizens and their States their Right to determine their own Economic Path.

 

 

Whereas we recognize that the current National System does usurp State & Individual Rights, is ridden with corruption, deceit, malfeasance & mismanagement, and by that has effectively caused the current Economic Depression and perhaps irreparably damaged our Nation’s future, the Economically Depressed Legal Citizens of the United States of America strongly express our rejection of such circumstances and announce our Assembly In Opposition to those systems, entities and individuals whose existence & actions result in our Continued & Increasing Economic Depression.

 

Henceforth to be known as The Anti Depressants, we hereby set forth our proposals to reinvent the National Legislator Selection Process and thereby retake our Nation from Special Interests who seek only to enrich themselves at The Nation’s expense and peril.

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Abolish Congressional Popular Election

The Anti Depressants have determined that the current method of selecting the occupants of the Legislative Branch of our National Government is beyond repair. We propose converting the selection of Legislators to the United States House of Representatives and United States Senate to a Lottery drawn from amongst pre-qualified Adult Legal Citizens from each respective Legislative District or State. All Legal Citizens will be required to submit to basic intelligence, knowledge and personality screening, the attainment of a base threshold thereby submits the Legal Citizen for inclusion into the Legislative Lottery Pool.

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Sample Screening Questions

“Do you think borrowing is an effective way to get out of debt?” If your answer is ‘YES’ then you are not qualified.

“Do you believe everyone has a RIGHT to income?” If your answer is ‘YES’,  you didn’t make the cut.

“Are there any Human Body Parts stored in your freezer?” If you are nodding your head and smiling, You Are Definitely Not Qualified.

“Do you stand naked in front of a mirror while shaving your entire body, lathered in Crisco?” If your answer is ‘YES’, you are not only qualified for Legislative Service, but are also suitable for a Management position in the U.S. Treasury Department or its Bureau for Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms & Explosive (BATF) Division.

Any tampering or interference with the qualification or selection process will result in a Mandatory Federal jail term for Life. There is no Statute of Limitation for this Offense. There is no Appeal.

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Two-Year Term, One Term Limit

Qualified Adult Legal Citizens selected by Lottery to serve in the House of Representatives or in the Senate will act in that capacity for 24 months, followed by an additional 6 months of service mentoring the incoming Legislator.  A  Legal Citizen selected to serve may refuse to do so. A replacement Legislator shall be immediately drawn from the pool of Qualified Legal Citizens. Qualified Legal Citizens may only serve in a specific National Legislative capacity on behalf of a specific District or State once in their lives. Then go get a real job.

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Service Compensation & Other Benefits

Serving Legislators will be paid $20,000 per month in tax free cash compensation. Washington, D.C. housing in Legislator Dormitories will be provided free of charge. No alcohol, recreational drugs, promiscuity nor loud & obnoxious behavior will be tolerated in Legislator Dormitories. Save that for your home State.  Meals in Legislator Cafeterias will be provided free of charge. There will be no special requests accepted. You’ll eat what we give you and like it. Otherwise, take some of that $20k and go to McDonalds. We don’t care.   Health Care for Serving Legislators will be provided at 100% during their Term of Service irrespective of their location. Serving Legislators may contribute to a Legislator 401-K Plan however no ‘Employer’ contributions will be made. Expenses for Legislator travel to and from Washington, D.C. will be paid at 100% if travel arrangements are booked through the Congressional Travel Agent. All air travel arrangements will be booked coach.

All compensation, facility access and all other benefits cease on the first day of the 31st month following a Legislator’s selection. And we don’t want to see you again…..ever.

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Prohibited Compensation

 

A Legislator is prohibited from receiving any other compensation, or personal gift(s) above $1000 in aggregate, from any other source during their Term of Service. While this does not include investment income, Legislators are required to place Personal Investments in a Blind Trust prior to entering service and for the duration of their Term. Furthermore, Legislators must recuse themselves from voting on any Legislation that may affect their own business, the business of a relative or the business of an acquaintance.

A Legislator found to have accepted compensation (or excess gifts) beyond that allowed from any source shall receive a Mandatory Federal jail term for Life. There is no Statute of Limitation for this Offense. There is no Appeal.

A Legislator found to have attempted to influence Legislation for personal gain or the gain of family or friends shall receive a Mandatory Federal jail term for Life. There is no Statute of Limitation for this Offense. There is no Appeal.

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 Legislator Termination

 

A Legislator may be fired for any reason by the Adult Legal Citizens whom they represent via a simple majority vote on the Legislative secure web site.  You’re not that special. A replacement will be chosen by special Lottery drawn from the existing pool of Qualified Adult Legal Citizens. If necessary a Legislative mentor will be drafted from a pool of previous Legislators who are willing to serve in that capacity, for which they will receive the prevailing Service rate & benefits for a period not to exceed 6 months. Do you think we’ll have a hard time finding someone to take our $20,000 per month?

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Further Penalties 

Any individual(s) attempting to unduly influence, bribe, coerce or in any way undermine the intent of these processes & procedures shall receive a Mandatory Federal jail term for Life. There is no Statute of Limitations for this Offense. There is no Appeal.

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Oversight

There will be no secrecy with The Peoples Work. Each Legislator will be assigned a Media Crew tasked with documenting, in its entirety, all activities of a given Legislator. The audio & video of all Legislators’ entire waking-hours activities (aside from personal hygiene) will be streamed to the Internet on an ongoing basis 24/7/365.

All Legislators’ audio & video activity records will be archived and searchable in perpetuity.

All Legislators’ written and electronic correspondence will be made immediately available online, archived and searchable in perpetuity.

All Legislators’ telephone conversations shall be immediately streamed, archived and searchable in perpetuity.

 

Any attempt to tamper or otherwise interfere with the accurate compilation of such a record will result in a Mandatory Federal jail term for Life. There is no Statute of Limitations for this offense. There is no Appeal.

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National Revenue Enhancement

The Anti Depressant Movement anticipates significant revenue opportunities to accrue through the monetization of the Legislative media streams.  In particular, given the absence of the Majority/Minority dynamic, roles previously held by Speaker of the House and Senate President pro tempore will be filled by winners of Legislative Contests, such contests to also be streamed via the Legislative media site.

“Dancing With The House of Representatives” is one such proposed contest for determining Speaker of the House. The winner of “The Senate’s Got Talent” contest will assume the President pro tempore mantle in the Senate. Each winner will receive additional tax free cash compensation of $10,000 per month during their term as their Legislative bodies’ heads. Winners can be fired by a simple majority of their fellow legislators. In that instance, the next place winner assumes those duties.

Additional ‘reality’ programming such as “The Philanderer” and “Men’s Room Diaries” are also being considered for the Legislative media stream. Legislators who participate in specialty programming will receive additional compensation commensurate with an appropriate percentage of the net revenue the programming generates unless such participation represents a violation of their Terms of Service and Conduct.

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Prison Sentence Pardons

Individuals serving Mandatory Life Sentences for any infraction of the aforementioned laws governing the Congressional Process may opt to participate in the Contest Show “Hungry, Hungry Hippos”, whereby contestants attempt to navigate an obstacle course populated by numerous underfed and extremely angry hippopotami. Owing to the high Contestant mortality rate of this program, Contestants successfully navigating the course will be granted immediate pardon of their current sentence. This is the only path for Offender Release. Medical and/or Mortuary bills of all Contestants will be paid for by the program’s Production Company.

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The Right Solution / The Right Time 

The Anti Depressant Movement is an idea whose time has arrived. While the success of these proposals is not guaranteed, Legal Citizens can be assured that implementation of these proposals will result in an immediate improvement over the current disastrous system. Take back our Country NOW!

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OTCB SUPPORTS THIS MESSAGE

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OTCB – We make it up, you decide!

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  1. outsidethe-cardboard-box posted this
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