December 2011
1 post
5 tags
Holiday Blockbuster Preview
Just in time for the holidays comes this raucous animated romp based loosely on a 1970 release from Walt Disney Studios and the financial panics of the 1800s. The TechnoCats follows the madcap adventures of a group of financial oligarchs as they lay waste to the European economic landscape.
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The Baroness, a Tuetonic feline in the grandest tradition, and her French sidekick Fume Puisse...
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Horsemeat Datapoint Confirms Economy on Upswing
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* (OTCB News) As if the booming stock market is not enough confirmation that “Happy Days Are Here Again”, multiple news outlets are reporting that the economy is SO good that horsemeat will soon be as common on U.S. dining tables as cowhide and tripe: Horsemeat Back On The Menu
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Economists look for improvement in luxury goods sales as a leading indicator in the economy....
November 2011
3 posts
9 tags
Top 10 List of What Might Be Next For Barney Frank
The Honorable Barney Frank, Democratic Congressman from Massachusetts’ 4th District since 1981, has announced he will not seek reelection. A former chairman of the influential House Financial Services Committee, Frank will likely find ample career opportunities as he starts the next chapter in his life. While many of his former Congressional colleagues who have preceded him in the transition...
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Supercommittee Reorients For Success
Washington, D.C. – As their budget cutting duties are winding down with the recently announced and widely anticipated stalemate, sources close to the process are reporting that the Congressional Supercommittee is in advanced negotiations with a large investment management company, possibly Black Rock, to form a new investment vehicle directly managed by the Supercommittee itself....
August 2010
2 posts
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Congress Seeks Final Extension Of Unemployment...
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An Exclusive Cardboard Business News Company News Brief
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* A Hard Row To Hoe
With midterm elections looming, those unfortunate Members of Congress forced to seek their constituents’ support at the ballot box find themselves confronted with the dual burdens of declining public approval and a rapidly deteriorating economic environment. Ever-attentive to the home crowd come election time...
Ruh Roh!
Sorry to be the bearer of more bad news. And this is really bad.
B A D…..as in…….THIS*IS*NOT*FREAKING*GOOD …..or even….OH*SHIT*WE’RE*ALL*GONNA*DIE* !
I think you’ll admit, that’s pretty bad
Check out the latest post over at OTCB Sibling Blog The Looming Doom:
Apocalypse How?
You SHOULD worry!
July 2010
1 post
6 tags
The Ultimate Weight-Loss Program for The...
Only recently made aware that the growing problem of our fellow citizens still growing is now considered a matter of National Security, the Editors of Outside The (Cardboard) Box have stepped to the fore of the National dialogue (championed by First Lady Michelle Obama through her Fat Kids Program) to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. We therefore state unreservedly:
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June 2010
1 post
6 tags
BP Grasping At Strings
Struggling to halt the gargantuan flow of crude oil from the seabed of the Gulf of Mexico, BP CEO Tony Hayward took time out from his demanding schedule to discuss with Outside The (Cardboard) Box the effect the environmental disaster has had on his life, BP’s plans for the future and his inspiration for BP’s latest approach to stemming the flow.
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* OTCB – Thank you for speaking with...
May 2010
1 post
10 tags
The Bully Pulpit Saves The World
A Cardboard Business News Company (CBNC) Exclusive
As the dust settles on the latest flurry of worldwide financial gerrymandering, details are starting to emerge on the eleventh-hour machinations required to save the global financial system from yet another of these seemingly never-ending black pits of despair.
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Not unexpectedly, French sources attribute the startling accommodations...
March 2010
5 posts
5 tags
Buffett Admits BN Purchase Was "Brain Fart"
Family granted power of attorney following episodes of bizarre behavior.
OTCB News Brief
The business world was rocked this weekend after learning billionaire investor Warren Buffett has been quoted describing Berkshire Hathaway’s (BRK) recent purchase of Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad (BN) as a ‘brain fart’. Berkshire paid $34 billion to acquire the outstanding shares of BN they did...
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Musings From TheNorth
Spring has really sprung here in TheNorth. On Sunday the sun was shining and temps were in the 50s(!). As I sat on the little 6 by 10 paver patio at the OTCB global headquarters shed Sunday morning and sipped a mug of Norseman Grog it was easy to forget for a moment that the Modern Economic Depression persists.
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Birds were chirping, ruffed grouse were rustling the groundcover just inside...
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Yves Smith for Dummies
Outside The (Cardboard) Box endeavors to provide our readers with practical information that will aid you in navigating the Modern Economic Depression. To that end we often invoke, quote or otherwise direct you to salient voices offering useful points of view. One such voice is that of Yves Smith.
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Ms. Smith (a pseudonym) is a dynamic and insightful Financial Services Industry veteran...
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Support “Old Person Smell" Awareness Week
Outside The (Cardboard) Box reminds you that the week of March 7th is “Old Person Smell” Awareness Week. Join us in battling this societal scourge so that one day young people will never again be assaulted by that disturbing, musty Old Person Smell (OPS).
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The technology to mostly abate these smells has been widely available for some time. However the will to confront this pressing issue has...
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Scientists Discover Thomas Friedman Wrong: World...
Scientists from JPL have disproven Pulitzer Prize winning author Thomas Friedman’s bestseller The World Is Flat. Team leader Dr. Daniel Saunders spoke to Outside The (Cardboard) Box on the Team’s discovery.
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DS: It’s not a discovery. And this isn’t the Jet Propulsion Laboratory either. This is Jesse’s Papaya Lounge. And I’m no Ph.D. I’m the bartender. And I think you’ve had enough.
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February 2010
3 posts
14 tags
California Legislature Enacts Unpopular Resolution
Outside The (Cardboard) Box News Brief
On Thursday the California State Assembly took bold steps to address the rapidly deteriorating condition of their State. Currently facing a $24 billion annual budget shortfall, rising overall unemployment, plummeting income, property & sales tax receipts and ever-rising costs due to intractable State employee Labor Unions and runaway entitlement...
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Senate Considers Rule Modifications for Extended...
OTCB Exclusive
Outside The (Cardboard) Box investigative journalists have learned that the obscure, rarely mentioned Senators’ Finances Subcommittee is exploring the concept of extending an incumbent Senator’s ability to pursue reelection beyond the current, inflexible limit. Apparently some of our most effective Legislators, at the height of their popularity and eminently electable, are...
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Really Depressing Jobs for the Economically...
As the Modern Economic Depression continues to expand and unemployment rises, job seekers struggling to make ends meet have increasingly ventured into hazardous occupations they are often ill-equipped to safely navigate. Perhaps formerly ensconced in a quiet corner office or at the reception counter of a boutique hotel, and now desperate to survive financially, they rigorously compete for...
January 2010
6 posts
6 tags
State of the (Cardboard) Box
Friends,
The Anti Depressant Movement is alive and thriving here at the Outside the (Cardboard) Box Global Headquarters Shed. As we embark together on the journey to retake our Country from rapacious Commercial Interests, to pry loose from their purchased offices a National Legislature that no longer represents the People, and mightily endeavor to acquire...
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China Shocks With Alt Lifestyle Policy
OTCB International Exclusive
China-watchers are abuzz over recent signals from the Central Government that they will encourage, and perhaps even incentivize, heterosexual Chinese men to ‘convert’ to homosexuality. Due to the unintended consequence of China’s one child per family policy coupled with their deep cultural bias towards male offspring to carry on the family lineage, China is...
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The Cardboard Manifesto
OTCB - Solving the Nation’s Biggest Problem in Less Than 1500 Words
The Economically Depressed Legal Citizens of the United States of America do herein declare the formation of a New Movement intended to regain control of our Nation, to eliminate Illegal & Dishonest behavior in our National Government and to return to our fellow Legal Citizens and their States their Right to determine...
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Building the Pyramid
The Father of the Pyramid Speaks on Life, Love & U.S. Government Retirement Bonds
Pyramid illustration by http://mathewpippin.com
OTCB Exclusive
He ventured boldly from Lugo, Italy with less than $3 in his pocket but with ”$1 million in hopes.” He arrived in Boston and began a relentless pursuit of the American Dream, which resulted in his position of unique prominence in...
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Murder At 1600
OTCB Breaking News
(Washington, D.C.) Capitol Hill Police responding to a complaint of ‘a strong, foul odor’ have discovered the slain body of U.S. Economy in the subbasement of a Government building near the Capitol complex.
Police spokesman Don Underhill briefed waiting media: “Responding officers arrived on scene at approximately 1600 hours yesterday evening. They reported that the odor...
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@govTwits Daily Highlights
Dear Readers,
The overwhelming response to our “New Year’s Resolutions from the Nation’s Capital” post has conveyed to us your keen interest in getting to know your Public Servants more intimately. In our never ending quest to supply your unmet Faux News needs, Outside The (Cardboard) Box is pleased to announce the launch of our latest series:
@govTwits Daily Highlights
Keep up with the...
December 2009
7 posts
17 tags
New Year’s Resolutions from the Nation's Capital
As the New Year commences, millions of Americans are committing to an objective or course of action intended to better their health, or their lives or the lives of others, as they seek to actualize their New Year’s Resolution. The 2010 crop of New Year Resolutions emitting from Washington, D.C. conveys the wide range of interests & concerns among the denizens of our Nation’s Capital....
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Heat Rises In Copenhagen As Cap & Trade Deemed Too...
Delegates Trade Caps Instead
(Tweetering on Spaceface from Dopenhagen)
An Outside The (Cardboard) Box Exclusive - Stymied by Emerging Nations’ insistence that they cede their entire economies to the Third World, Industrialized Nations are finding the Copenhagen Global Climate Framework ’too inconvenient’ to ratify. “While we can certainly appreciate their thinking on this serious...
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U.S. Workforce Disappearing At Alarming Rate
Economists Concerned They Will Be ‘Left Behind’
After a careful review of BLS Employment Data, Outside The (Cardboard) Box analysts have determined that the U.S. workforce is shrinking at an inexplicable rate. Available census data indicates that the U.S. population is still expanding. Under normal conditions this would lead to an increase in the available labor pool. However BLS data confirms...
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Tax Officials Detect Widespread Tax Fraud in U.S....
Mass Audits Planned
(Washington, D.C.) National Tax Officials believe they have detected a new & widespread tax avoidance scheme rampant among America’s middle-class. Perceived by some as ‘Case Zero’ of what may come to be viewed as one of the most incredible tax cases in U.S. history, the investigation of Rachel Porcaro, a single mother of two boys living in Seattle and working as a...
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Extreme Makeover: WaPo Edition
*Editors Note – Normally things are fairly relaxed here @ the Outside The (Cardboard) Box Global Headquarters Shed. However a recent piece in the Washington Post has staffers here as mad as hornets. As a result, today’s post contains an abundance of graphic & unseemly language. Further reflecting the currently high level of agitation here @ OTCB, there are no accompanying pictures, graphs,...
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BLS Said To Be Using New Data Adjustment Model
Outside The (Cardboard) Box is disseminating a startling rumor that the Bureau of Labor Statistics has developed a new adjustment model to be applied to their monthly Employment Data report that will show a radically improved national jobs picture. Dubbed the ‘Twofer’, the model is intended to reflect better the changing nature of work in the U.S.
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An individual speaking on condition of...
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7 Black Swans a Swimming
While a so-called “Black Swan” event is by definition an unlikely yet extremely impactful event, ample consideration is given to ‘conventional’ improbable outlier occurrences in Finance. Websites such as Financial Armageddon, The Housing Time Bomb and The Coming Great Depression are prominent among hundreds on the Internet who devote considerable attention to what many in the mainstream deem...
November 2009
6 posts
22 tags
Early Adapter Strategies for the Modern Economic...
Successful adaptation to the often difficult and always changing conditions in the early stages of a modern economic depression can be further complicated by lagging regulatory viewpoints, unrealistic social mores and other deterrents.
Outside The (Cardboard) Box offers some thoughts on strategies & tactics to aide you in navigating the shifting currents frequently encountered during such a...
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Giving Thanks for CNBC
As I was researching a post for ways our readers could economize on this year’s Thanksgiving feast, I ran across a timely piece at the CNBC website titled: “10 Tips to Get Out of Debt – Til Debt Do Us Part Slideshow”. I think it’s great that CNBC devotes the effort & resources to aid the little guy. CNBC is often rapped as beholden to the Too-Big-to-Fail crowd due to their...
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The New Australian School of Economics (Wonkish)
The New Australian School of Economics
Outside The (Cardboard) Box interviews curbside economist J. Fishman on the New Australian School of economic theory.
Today OTCB is speaking with Dr. Jyotis Fishman, a man whose mission in life is to extol the pragmatic virtues of the so-called ‘New Australian School’ of economic theory, an approach that claims as its motto: “We don’t just make shit...
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Best Shanty-Based Service Businesses For A Great...
Been foreclosed upon? No problem! Are you homeless, broke & unemployed? Not to worry! Help is only a paragraph away as we offer you our:
Best Shanty-Based Service Businesses For A Great Depression
The latest Government statistics reveal that the ratio of job-seekers to job openings has hit an all-time high. As still more job-seekers pursue still fewer job openings, the logical response is...
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Dating Guide For The Economically Depressed
As long as there have been couples, couples have been breaking up. The Modern Economic Depression is witness to a dramatic increase in these disassemblies as financial stress heaps further pressure upon the usual fractionations in relationships. If you have recently fallen victim to these forces, forces beyond your control, we offer you our exceedingly special selection of dating tips to get...
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Happy Days Are Here Again!
Happy Days Are Here Again!
We were caught quite by surprise over the weekend with the widespread reports that the “Economic Downturn” has ended. Our mission has been to provide our readers with a practical guide to navigating these difficult times. The end of the “Downturn” would tend to render that mission, noble as it is, somewhat obsolete. As a result, we are considering the eventual...
October 2009
5 posts
13 tags
Scary Halloween Costumes for the Economically...
In these difficult times, a great party can still be thrown together on a shoestring budget. With Halloween arriving in all its ghoulish glory this weekend, perhaps you have been invited to or are hosting your own Halloween costume party. Be aware though that these days a frilly costume or a superhero costume just won’t do. Not at all. No, this is a year for zombies, psychos, scary...
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Community Standards for Shanty Towns
While we write mostly on issues of concern to Economically Depressed Individuals, we also involve ourselves with the issues affecting Economically Depressed Quasi-Municipalities. In that regard, today’s post is intended to aid Shanty Towns in developing an optimal community environment, combining the benefits of good health, safety and a pleasing aesthetic. We are pleased to...
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Building With Tarps
*Editors Note – The Tarps discussed in this post have absolutely nothing to do with the Federal “Troubled Asset Relief Program” (TARP) other than the portfolios underlying the Government Program were likely the root cause of you getting thrown out of your home in the first place.
Perhaps you were the one homeowner on your block whose Mortgage Lender could actually present the paper on your...
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Poultry Farming In Your Studio Apartment
Most people have heard of Victory Gardens, which were a public reaction to food rationing during wartime. However back in the day there were far fewer apartment dwellers than today. The benefits of growing one’s own food are legion. Regrettably, a significant disadvantage to apartment dwelling during a Great Depression is the lack of available space for the raising of crops and/or animals for...
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Welcome
Welcome to our blog! We seek to bring you essays, articles & links related to the Harsh Realities & Ugly Truths of the Modern Economic Depression, with an Emphasis on Practical Strategies & Tactics to Aid you in Overcoming what are arguably Unconquerable Obstacles confronting you everyday.
Now, just between you & me, if you have not yet figured out that this site is a satire,...